When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
