i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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