Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
