she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
