it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
