Why does Corona taste like a burp?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
