can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
