I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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