If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
