My nipple is on Facebook.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
