6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
honey bunches of taint.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
