I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
