1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
