he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
