wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
