I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
