idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
