Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
