If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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