this beer tastes like vomit already
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
