Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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