Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
