I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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