I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I am one with the molecules
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
