the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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