I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
