I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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