The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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