he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
