are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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