Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
