I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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