Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
