sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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