Who wears a wallet chain?!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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