wrigley field is MILF paradise
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
