Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
