I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
