In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
