I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
