You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
