i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
