i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
