I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
