Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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