At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
