We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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