I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
