You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
