Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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