Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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