We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
